Ten Years

There are many things in life which I’m grateful for and starting this blog ten years ago just became one.

I never really thought much about this blog after my last entry in 2014. As you know, life happens and it sure did for me. Not only did I survive a long distance relationship, I’ve married the love of my life and we are now proud parents of two beautiful girls. I’ve been able to put down roots here in this beautiful country which, many years ago, scared me.

So as you can see, life did happen and it’s a beautiful thing. What’s nicer is that I’m able to backtrack a part of my journey through this blog and maybe even learn and get inspiration from it as I move forward in life.

I really felt that I had my whole life in front of me ten years ago but I don’t feel much different now.  Maybe I’ll feel the same ten years from now? There’s only one way to find out!

The Reason Behind The Move

It’s inevitable. It’s bound to happen and it’s just a matter of time. More often than not I reminisce why am I doing this. What is the reason behind this big and literally far move of mine. I always tell myself and other people as well that I’m doing this because of the great opportunity it entails. It is true that not everyone is given such opportunity. But is it really just about that? Is it really just about the opportunity that may or may not be maximized?

At the most basic level, I’m doing this because it’s worth a try. Whatever it is that may happen here or there, I can genuinely tell and convince myself that what I’ll be doing is at the very least worth a shot. I’m young enough, I still have time, and more so, I’m open for anything that can happen. So I guess the question here now is that am I willing to ‘try’ a short-term investment for a long-term benefit. Again, the key word is ‘try’. I’m not sure what will and can happen once I get there but I do know that I’m the type of guy who simply knocks out all the challenges that face me.

Another reason behind the big move is all about my future. I’m very fortunate enough to be indulged in an environment full of forward-looking people. I guess I was always surrounded with a mature crowd that it reminds me that I need to be mature in all aspects in life. Also add to that the wonderful blessing of a very loving girlfriend who I can seriously see as my wife. No joke. I’m so in love like that. All these factors that take part of my environment make me see the future that is not so far away, a future full of potential, a future so colorful I can see it brightly right now. Even though I said that I’m not sure what will happen because of the big move, I do know that it can give me opportunities to keep the future bright and even brighter. I guess it’s all about sacrifice for now, sacrifice of convenience and comfort. It’s a decision involving high risks, but then again, high risks yield high returns.

I am taking small steps at a time. There are times when I feel very sad and lonely but whenever I do, I always look back to the reason why I’m doing this. It’s not just about grabbing the opportunity in front of me, it’s not just about being able to improve myself. It’s all about being able to live the life I plan to have in the very near future.

But behind all these reasons and assumptions for the result of this move, I remain a very simple guy and a firm believer that happiness can be found in simple things, right where you are right now, with the people you are with right now.

God

I believe that I don’t necessarily need to be Roman Catholic and go to mass everyday Sunday.I don’t necessarily need to kneel and pray. I don’t necessarily need to preach, to listen, to immerse myself to something that is, according to other people, the right way of living. I don’t necessarily need to have a religion, a way of life, a goal, an ultimate goal, a reason to keep me going, an inspiration, true and genuine inspiration. I don’t necessarily need to believe what the bible says and in the same light, any other writing that is claimed to be an account of god. I don’t necessarily need to believe in apparitions, in miracles, exorcism, and in holy places. I don’t necessarily need to believe that there is an end to this world and that if I live rightly, I will be saved. I don’t necessarily need to believe in anything.

When I look outside my window and see the glowing bright stars synchronized with the calming sounds of the crickets, realizing that I’m under one big sky which is under one big galaxy, which is under anything that man haven’t discovered yet and other people from different places, different time zones, different perspectives are looking at the exact same sky with me, I feel that I’m just a spec in the universe. A tiny little spec whose weight and mass is literally insignificant to the galaxy. A tiny little spec whose life may not matter to millions of people on the other side of the world.

But even if I’m just a tiny little spec,why do I still feel significant, valuable, unique, and important?

What is the source of all this meaning? Who is the source?

When I see two rainbows mingling with each other or a wonderful sky where the clouds seem to spell my name or are shaped like a dog, a cat, a peacock, a kangaroo, a unicorn, a whale, I realize that no person existing and ever existed could ever do such thing.

But it has been done nonetheless.

Who did that?

When I close my eyes and amidst the darkness I can still see, and more often that not, clearer than with my eyes open, who gives me such sight?

What is that force we feel when we hug a person?

What is that energy that moves a person because of a touching song?

What makes writers write and singers sing? What makes the body move to a certain beat?

What makes me write the next word?

God

It must be God

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

I would like to share an article shared by my dad last night. I was talking with my family about a major decision I made and I keep on looking back if it’s the right decision, if it’s the best decision. I realized that however I try to convince myself that it is the best one, I am never completely satisfied. I guess when you become a young adult, when you reach the ‘quarter-life’, there will be no decision without consequences, and there will be no decision that would make you 100% satisfied. So much are involved. You can decide for yourself, but can you decide for other people’s feelings and reactions? Can you really decide on something that would guarantee you complete happiness? Whenever we are placed in a crossroad and we need to decide whether to go right or left or even stay, there would always be what-ifs and doubts that make you look back. Should I have just gone right? Should I have just gone left? Should I have just stayed and waited?

Reading this article helped me stop the mind-war I’ve been having for quite some time.

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

The Best Love Storytellers I’ve Ever Known

(picture from here)

We have this family habit of having lunch together every Sunday. The primary members of the family all get together in our ancestral house in Manila. We’ve been doing that since I was a baby and it has become a very healthy practice for the members of the family. That’s because everyone get to be in touch with one another constantly. Even though it’s just a simple lunch (but the food is awesome), being on the same table with all your family members at least once a week is one effective way of getting involved with everyone’s life.

Because of this practice, I’m always updated with how are my uncles and aunts doing. From something as big as leaving the country to something as small as having a new puppy. I get to know all those things.

Storytelling never ends during Sunday lunch. We talk about anything and to anyone. We talk about politics, showbiz, personal life, and even love life. And it’s actually one exciting topic every time we’re there in that house where I spent the first 15 years of my life.

Love.

Why? Because it’s a chance for us to hear how did my dad court my mom or how did my uncle court my aunt or how did my grandfather court my grandmother. The last is the best.

I usually ask my grandpa how many girlfriends he had before. His answer is always the same. Just one. And that’s my grandma. And at the moment my grandma hears that, she’ll look at my grandpa and lightly slap him, telling everyone listening that it isn’t true and that grandpa had a lot of girlfriends. This of course is done in a very sweet and cute way.

I usually ask my grandpa how long did it take him to win my grandma’s heart. His answer is always the same. 2 weeks. My grandma upon hearing this will then again slap my grandpa, a little harder this time as she tells everyone that it’s not true and that my grandpa had to work it to win my grandma’s heart. She will usually tell us that my grandpa needed to walk a pretty long distance just to visit my grandma. She will proudly say that she gave him a hard time and that she never showed any sign that she liked him before.

My grandpa will then disagree and will tell us that grandma was very obvious and that he was wondering why won’t grandma answer yes already when it’s very clear that she likes him.

And then you hear another slap and it’s harder than the last one

We have this everyday Sunday lunch and I won’t exchange it for anything. There are actually a lot of stories which have been told and every time you get to hear one, you get this sensation that the romance and love that is shared between my grandparents are true, real, and timeless.

It was through these stories that I realized that the best love stories you’ll hear are the ones from your grandparents. You can feel simply from how is it told that the love that started when they were still young grew bigger and bigger as they got together, had a family, and are now happy grandparents. There is something with their stories that lets you realize that it is possible for love to be real and true. That it’s possible for love to be timeless and never-changing. It makes you confident that you are capable of giving and embracing that kind of love. Not just because you are related to the people telling them by blood but because of the mere fact that they did it and they proved it.

How can you be different to a human being just wanting to love and be loved in return? You can’t be any different.

My grandparents have been married for 51 years already and you can still see them happily in love.

I guess that’s the exact reason why are they the best love storytellers I’ve ever known.

Jottings

I was in grade school when we had this subject called ‘Jottings’. It’s the subject I love the most because all it requires you to do is write. I was not able to keep my Jottings notebooks but I do remember that I was able to write a lot of good compositions there. In class, the teacher will just give the students a topic then the students will write about it.

I can clearly remember that I was always in my element every time I was holding my pen and writing. It was second nature for me and I didn’t really need to exert any effort in expressing my ideas through words, phrases, and sentences. As a grade school student, I would usually write over the number of pages required. There was even a time when my teacher thought that I was not the one who wrote the entry in my notebook. My mom was so mad about that and the teacher needed to apologize to me because I was really the one who wrote it, no one else.

As time passed, I gained more exposure in writing. I was able to expand my horizon as more challenging tasks were asked as I progressed in school. I even challenged myself to write for an educational publication and they took my entry. It felt so good.

Then the words that were once only written because of academic requirements have become integrated in my daily life. I started to have a journal and was able to make 4 volumes all kept in our house. I let special people read my entries there. I was also quite a poet when it came to courting girls. Man oh man I was so mushy back then (well, I’m still mushy now, just in a different way:D ). I write poems and letters and notes hoping to have the girls fall for me. I was successful. Even though they didn’t all fall for me (because they’re not meant to fall for me I guess, hehe), they were all touched by my poems which is proven every time I talk to those people today.

I usually tell the people I give poems to that these poems are like wine. The longer it is from the time you first read it, the more intense the feeling it’ll give you when you read it again. I’m not sure if other writers will agree but I find it amazing that when I read the poems I composed 10-15 years ago, I’m brought back to that moment when I first read it and it triggers an emotion inside me, that kind of emotion that is cherished through time, pretty much what you feel when you look back at all the good memories you had with a person and then look at that person now. All the stories attached to the person, or in my case, the poem are then remembered and you sum it up in your heart to come up with this ultimate emotion that is incomparable to any other.

I wanted to take Journalism in college and be a professional writer. It was my dream course and my dream job. It didn’t push through though. I ended up having a Business Management degree and a job that is very relevant to my course. I don’t have regrets or anything. It’s just that there are really moments when I wonder how it will be like when I did push through being a journalist. I don’t waste the drive though. I still write now. I still compose poems and write about stuff I find amazing whether it’s from the internet, across the street, or outside my window. Most importantly, I still write about myself, my emotions,and my dreams and aspirations. I can write about anything. I will write about anything as there’s a feeling of achievement attached to it. I don’t get paid or anything and I’m sure only a selected few are able to read my compositions but still, it makes me feel complete. I even write to feel better sometimes. There are really these moments when I can only discover what’s inside of me when I write.

So that’s how significant writing is in my life and it’s all because of the Jottings subject I had when I was in grade school.

I started young and the drive will last forever.

Daddy Wisdom

I go with my dad  to work as our offices are in the same city. It’s been like that since I started working so that’s a good 2 years. Wow. That’s long.

I never really gave much thought to it until today. I realized that I spend significant amount of time with my dad. And it’s not just spending time as in simply being in one place. It’s more of spending time talking. That’s a big difference.

We don’t really talk all the time though. Most of those moments we spend listening to our favourite morning radio program. Yes folks, we have the same favourite morning radio program. Actually our whole family does. There would be times when we’ll talk about the stuff happening in the house, sometimes we talk about gadgets, shoes, and even twitter haha. And there would also be moments when we’ll talk about my life in terms of my friends, my relationships, and my career.

I don’t know if it’s just me but whenever I’m having a serious dilemma or there’s a major decision I need to make, I talk to my dad. And for some magical reason, every time I apply what he says, I feel good, whatever happens after.

My dad is kind of a person with a few words. But once he speaks, it’ll always be full of wisdom. I was talking to him just a while ago before he dropped me off to work. We were talking about my career path. I’ve been pestering my friends for advice on what should I do as I’m facing a very challenging problem in my career right now and it needs immediate action. My friends’ advices really helped me a lot but you’ll really feel that even though all your friends’ words make sense, there’s still something lacking. Our friends can only do so much for us. They can offer us advice but at the end, we’re the ones who still need to decide. It was quite different with my dad this morning. I spoke to him, told him about my concern and then boom. I knew exactly what to do. It’s like he took all the factors and came up with the best solution.

It was like I’m searching for this specific flavour of Ice cream. My friends gave me suggestions and all were so close to the flavour I’m looking for that it can serve as a substitute. But my dad knew the exact flavour down to the brand, ingredients and even where I can get it.

I guess parents have that kind of super hero power with their kids sometimes. They just know what to do with you. And to think that all it took my dad is 5 minutes of his time. I’ve been talking to my friends for weeks before that.

The Most Romantic Love Story Ever

I heard this story numerous times and every time I did, adrenaline rushes through my veins as I am filled with awe on how true love works. It was after hearing this story that I realized that whatever it is that we think love is, it’s not completely it. Our definition is limited because our definition is human. We can come up with the best human definition of love but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. But even if we may not be able to define it, we are very capable to give and embrace it. And that’s the most amazing thing ever don’t you think?

The story is actually a dream of someone I know. She shared it to me one time and ever since, it’s the first thing that comes to my mind every time I think of what love really is. The story goes like this…

There was a couple living happily. Their life was not perfect, but they loved each other so much. Time passed and soon enough they got old and sick. The husband died first and the wife suffered so much pain as her one and only love is already dead. The husband’s spirit was then sent to the heavens where amidst the beautiful white clouds and the amazing blue sky, he was faced with two doors. There was a person there and he told the husband that he may now enter the door to the right which is the door to Heaven. He refused to enter. He just sat down near the door.

After some time, the wife died and her spirit was sent to the heavens. She saw the clouds and the sky, it was all so beautiful. She was then faced with the two doors and the person guarding the doors told her that she needs to enter the door to the left. She was about to enter the door when she heard someone calling her name. It was her husband. He approached her, hugged her so tight, and kissed her. Tears were falling from his eyes which were saying nothing but I love you.

The husband spoke to the person guarding the door. He told him that he stayed outside and waited that long because of her. He explained that he could have entered right away and be in heaven.

But heaven is nothing without her wife.

He told the guard, firmly but calmly, that her wife is going with him.The guard, seeing how much the husband loves his wife let them both enter the door to Heaven.

For it was the perfect place for their love

I was seriously in awe while I was writing this. You know what’s better than that? It was my mom’s dream 🙂

The Right Lock With The Right Key

Look into the mirror and look at yourself. Look at your eyes. What message do they convey? are they blazing with passion? are they contented with happiness? or do they bear sadness for something lacking in your life?

I looked in the mirror and I saw that something is lacking. I’m looking for an answer to a question I’ve been asking myself for almost a year now and up to this day, it still remains unanswered. I’m still finding deep within myself what is it that I should do and it was then that I realized that we are the strongest when we know what path to take and are the most vulnerable when we are confused and lost.

I’m looking for answers, the right mind set to have, the right actions to start doing. I got nothing. This decision I need to make is so significant that I think I really won’t have an answer, because it’s a risk in every perspective I look at it.

I ask myself, do I really got nothing to lose? Is it really the answer to all my insecurities and the ultimate kick I need to level myself to the league I want to be in? I was trying to find an answer and I thought I will, I thought that after a lot of precious time thinking about it, the cosmos will enlighten me with the answer I’m looking for. I guess the cosmos does not work that way.

I’m trying to avoid talking to people because I want to decide for myself. After all, the first and last person who will be affected with what I plan to do is myself. There are people in between and they are included in this major move I’m planning to do but when the world stops spinning and when people start to fly, you’ll tell yourself that it was really for you.

So what do I need to do now? I don’t know. I’ve been talking to the modern sages of our time, trying to make their perspective align in one common plane. I realized a while ago that there is no common plane and it can never be totally aligned.  It may look like they are saying the same thing but when you dig deeper, all their points are inspired by different sources. One is out of growth, one is out of social standing, one is out of competitiveness. It can never be purely aligned.

So where am I left now? I’m not alone. I don’t need to do this alone. But I need to decide alone. It’s not because you don’t have friends to support you nor because you don’t agree with their points. It’s simply because your capability to undersatnd yourself is way better than any sage, expert, or doctor out there. We always hear that we hold the key but have you ever asked yourself where the lock is? Some of us think that the lock is in a successful career or in a multi million business. Some of us think that the lock is in a happy married life or in a big family. Is the lock where our key for really in those things? Can you really open the lock to a successful career or a happy family with your key?

I believe that the lock is inside us, no where else. And once we open that lock with our own key, we are then given the other keys for all the other locks we want to open. We were oriented that we can open the lock in whatever aspect in life we want and that is true. But before opening anything else, open the lock in your heart. You always had the key and it’ll never be taken away from you.

Have I opened the lock in my heart? The answer to this question is the reason why I’m having a hard time deciding what I need to do.

Comfort Zone

I was first introduced to the idea of a Comfort Zone when I read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens during my incoming freshman year in high school. The book states that we must not stay in our comfort zone all the time, that we must do things that we find challenging for us to improve. I totally agree and now as I write this, many years after I read that book, I can claim that I have become a better person because I did my best to stay outside of my comfort zone before. And now look ate me, I’m a butterfly with wings so colorful and bright, I’m a tall tree firmly rooted in the ground, I’m a bird with wings so wide and is flying high. My comfort zone has become bigger. Most of the things that I found outside of my comfort zone before are now things I like doing. Before I was shy, now I love talking to people. Before I was afraid to take risks, now I’m a risk taker. All of these, each and every single thing have now been incorporated in the circle of comfort and instead of having difficulty or being challenged, I would actually have to exert zero effort to do such things.

But when a butterfly develops, or when a tree starts to grow tall, or when a bird starts soaring high in the sky, it doesn’t mean that they should stop already. There’s more to do, so much more. Even if our comfort zones have been widened, we should still exert effort to get out from it.I believe that it can never be too big for us not to be challenged anymore. As long as we have that drive where we infinitely want to improve not just for self gratification or fame but because we simply believe that we are capable to do so, we will always go out of that circle of comfort.

So now, watch this butterfly travel places to see the most wonderful of flowers, watch this tree withstand the strong winds and storms that will be coming, watch this bird build a nest and take care of his family.