A Simple Prayer

This is a simple prayer for all of us who see a wide gap between what we have and what we want.

That we may all see that the gap is never too wide and we must never stop rethinking that this is the truth.

Not just the truth because it’s a way for us to feel better, it’s the truth because it sets us free from the perspective that we can’t reach our dreams.

We may not reach it now, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in months.

But we will. We surely will. As long as we never stop thinking that we can.

As long as we never stop acting that we can.

23

I just turned 23 and I feel like life is moving so fast that  if I don’t keep up I’ll be left behind. I’ve been thinking about my future a lot lately. Where  will I live? How much will I be worth? How big will my house be? Will I own a handsome car? Will I be a millionaire? Will I be successful? How many children will I have? Will I be a good father? Will I be bald? Will I have a big stomach? Will I complete my puma collection?

So many questions, so many possible answers.

It’s like being 23 is the big step to maturity. People say I’m still young and I don’t need to worry so much. I agree. I’m still young and I can still achieve so much. But I also believe that this is the right time to start investing for my future. I need to save more, I need to read more books, I need to develop the way I speak and the way I think, the way I process ideas and the way I handle relationships. I need to be more mature.

But I am mature. I’m pretty much mature. But it’s not enough. How much is enough? How mature is mature? I don’t know but I’m sure I got a long way to go.

I need to make harder decisions. The ones that are more risky. The ones that could either mean total success or complete failure. I need to know what decisions will give me success.

I need to increase my worth. What’s my worth now? I’m not sure but I have a feeling that it can only be so much. I have a lot of work to do and I need to start now, as in now as I write this. Now as I think about this. Now as I think about what I do after this.

I don’t mean to pressure myself. But I think I miss pressure. I can handle it pretty well. But how much pressure am I receiving lately? not too much, even close to none.

If I think about it, the most glorious days are those after the ones I felt so much pressure. Days when despite I have all the reasons to be stressful, I stand out calm and relaxed. I think I miss that. I miss stress and pressure. The healthy type of such. I need more. I have room for so much more.

I want to maximize this year. I don’t want to lose any opportunity, I want to grab them all. I want this year to be the year I make that big jump. I need to level up, I need a lot of leveling up. I know I can handle it. I always did. I always will.

The 23rd year of my existence is the time when I’ll massively improve myself. I know my potential. I can do so much more. So much more than this.

Resolutions

This is my unending list of resolutions for 2010. I’ll add as i go on with my life

1. Be more active – keep on running… run faster. exercise more – 1/20/2010

2. I miss the guitar – start playing again – 1/20/2010

• most recent song learnt: Three cheers for five years
• 1/2 of Hey, Soul Sister by Train – 4/28/2010

3. At least one book a month. January book: Fountainhead by Ayn Rand – 1/20/2010

4. Minimize facebook time during work hours (will try hehe) – 1/20/2010

5. Be loyal to your planner – 1/20/2010

6. 3 new words a day – 1/20/2010

7. Set up a business – 1/20/2010

8. Lessen hair wax usage – 1/28/2010

Autumn

I just watched (500) Days of Summer last night and I want to write how it made me feel because the feeling is so special. It’s not a purely happy feeling, it’s also not a purely sad one. It’s like a feeling painted out of different colors all combined to form a great masterpiece.

If you haven’t watched the movie yet, I need to warn you that some of my thoughts may spoil the movie, obviously hehe 🙂

Here we go

I believe that we all have our own ‘500 Days of Summer’. It may not be 500 days, her/his name may not be Summer, and the effect of such days may be more or less hurtful as compared to the movie. I believe that there would always be situations wherein we would think that it’s too good to be true, such situations that give us so much happiness and possibly equally or worse pain. This is because one way or another, our expectations will mismatch reality. At least once in our lifetime, I believe this will happen. I have experienced this more than once in different aspects of life and I know a lot of people who share the same experience. Sometimes I feel that my happiness is coming from something that is so good, so good that I become scared. And true enough, there is reason to be scared. Then that day happens when everything crashes, sometimes for reasons that we don’t even expect.

Then I break down, feel pain and agony and do crazy things. I become bitter that things have to be this way. I was happy, why not continue to be happy? I didn’t understand, I didn’t see the reason why. I try to distract myself, doing things that I don’t normally do. I try to cover the pain, to fill in the hole with something larger than it, so large that it won’t fit, so large that I would be overwhelmed. I question destiny, I question love, I even question God. And at the end of each day, I sleep with tears in my heart and eyes thinking that I will never be better, or even normal again.

Then you start to pick yourself up. You see the value of other people around you. You see the value of things that were there all along. You realize that you always had the power to be better, you were just too busy thinking that you can’t. You start to attract more positive ideas, more positive things, more positive people. The tears stop and smiles replace the frowns. You start to go back and realize the reason why. Your questions start getting answered and the answers make perfect sense. You realize that you don’t need to fill in the hole because there was no hole in the first place. You were whole all along. Your expectations then start to match reality and one day as you look at the sun in a weather so cozy you realize that all this time… you were not just looking hard enough. And the cosmos bridges you to that ultimate day where Summer ends and Autumn begins. And you know in your mind and in your heart that you deserve it and that’s the best thing.

It’s not just about relationships, it happens in all aspects in life. In our career, in our family, in our pursuit of our goals. There would always be times when our expectations will mismatch reality and it would hurt, sometimes just a little, sometimes so much. But we can always cope up in our own ways, in our own time.

Clouds

If I can do one unique thing today, what will it be? Life has been good to me. Despite all the challenges I am facing everyday, I still go to sleep and wake up with warmth in my heart. Maybe that’s because I have created  a mechanism wherein my brain always reminds me to be positive, and for me… at least for me… positive thinking leads to positive emotions.

So now I sit here on my chair, typing words which I hope will be full of wisdom, thinking of ways how to maximize this day.

I have noticed that I’m becoming more and more conscious about feeling depressed. I usually attach an action with it’s overall result. So if I do something, most of the time I think of it’s effects especially with my emotions.

But I guess we can’t be happy all the time. We can’t feel so special everyday. We can always strive and we can always have the feeling back but so many people with so many attitudes with so many relations in our lives can only just alter your ideal day everyday and that’s perfectly normal.

All of these emotions, all of these feelings are like clouds surrounding us. We may like it and we may not. But no matter what happens, these are just clouds, simply there to block our view of the truth, or shield us from it. The clouds can’t hurt us and they are simply a mere combination of gases that will soon disappear. And when it does, what’s left is us – and that matters more than anything else.

Bring It On!

If you decide to write because you want to feel better, then I believe that must be something serious.

I think blogging is quite dangerous. It makes you vulnerable to other people’s comments. Not that you should care but I’m very inclined to believe that blogging can relay a wrong message about you. But then again you can just make your entry private right? haha

I’m writing because I want to analyze something. I’m not sure if this applies to everyone but when I write, I tend to discover things. I tend to go deep down the idea I’m writing about and as a result, I end up quoting myself.

Last night, I realized that problems never end, they only change. I hope you don’t get me wrong, I’m saying this in full optimism. Once we solve or figure out something for a problem we have been dealing with, we realize that there are more that we need to face. Sometimes we think that finding a solution to a problem completely ends it, but I like to believe that it only takes us to a separate path. Like when a problem is leading us north, the solution breaks that path and sends us going east. That path isn’t smooth and we will continue to face problems as we travel in the direction the solution led us. Ironic? I don’t think so. Even though the new path isn’t smooth, it’s still a new path and that means new adventures, new lessons, and new stories to tell.

It was a rainy morning on my way to work and such weather usually triggers my emotional side. I reflected on the problems I”m facing right now. The challenges that I face every time I wake up. I’m very thankful I’m in this new path. It’s such fresh soil. The idea that so much is ahead of me really excites me. I’ve been pondering on ways how to deal with these problems as some get harder and harder each day. Every time I think of ways how to handle these challenges, most of the time my mind gets filled with emptiness. I can’t think of something. And when this becomes a cycle, my mechanism leads me to the realization I just had before I wrote this entry – be thankful.

There’s nothing wrong with complaining. It’s very human. But I guess we should know the line separating wanting something better and complete dissatisfaction. Just like what I’ve said, problems never end. This path I’m traveling on may be as rough as before but still, it’s a new path and so much things await. You can’t expect things to end up the way they did. Each problem is unique and the solution sets us somewhere unique as well. We should grab that opportunity and make the best out of it. Some of your old tricks may work, but it won’t be enough. You’re in this new path because you now got more slots for new tricks, new realizations, new achievements… all in line for a better you.

And even though it’s hard to accept the things i just said, mainly because these are things outside our comfort zone, I’m sure that it’s possible and we all have enough strength to take the challenge.

We can all say ‘bring it on!’, Manaligod 2009

Inspiration

Sometimes, you just got to have a simple conversation with a good friend to be inspired.

……

……

My friend: you have everything in your hands

My friend: you have resources and youth to go with you

My friend: don’t lose the spirit

Me: i won’t

Me: i won’t

Me: 🙂

My friend: if some things don’t go as planned, then try another strategy

My friend: some things are not one shot deals na (that) make or break

Me: yeah

Me: i agree

My friend: some just have to be done, and redone and remade over and over again

Me: perfectly said

My friend: if you go to the beautiful churches in europe, you will be surprised how long they finished it

My friend: it takes them at least a hundred years

Me: wow

My friend: imagine building something with the thought that there is a great possibility of not seeing it

My friend: pero (but) they continued building

My friend: and that is the st marks cathedral and the duomo that you see sa (in the) milan movie

My friend: that is the leaning tower of pisa that we marvel today

My friend: the vatican church….

My friend: so just build and enjoy building it

My friend: kaya am asking (that’s why I’m asking) what interests you

My friend: para kahit na di mo makuha as you dreamed it (so that even if you don’t get it as you dreamed it), you are still happy building it

My friend: and what a nice way to start early building things

My friend: there is a greater possibility that you will see it through

My friend: you have the whole world, literally the whole world, within your hands

Me: such inspiring words

We should treasure friends who talk like this 🙂

2:05:31 PM enjinx: you have everything in your hands

2:05:39 PM enjinx: you have resources and youth to go with you

2:05:54 PM enjinx: don’t lose the spirit

2:06:08 PM khail_87: i won’t

2:06:10 PM khail_87: i won’t

2:06:12 PM khail_87: 🙂

2:06:33 PM enjinx: if some things don’t go as planned, then try another strategy

2:06:48 PM enjinx: some things are not one shot deals na make or break

2:06:54 PM khail_87: yeah

2:06:56 PM khail_87: i agree

2:07:09 PM enjinx: some just have to be done, and redone and remade over and over again

2:07:34 PM khail_87: perfectly said

2:07:43 PM enjinx: if you go to the beautiful churches in europe, you will be surprised how long they finished it

2:07:54 PM enjinx: it takes them at least a hundred years

2:08:13 PM khail_87: wow

2:08:18 PM enjinx: imagine building something with the thought that there is a great possibility of not seeing it

2:11:20 PM enjinx: and he can see what he did grow into a vast empire now that he is eighty i think

2:11:42 PM enjinx: so is lucio tan, henry sy….

2:12:02 PM enjinx: wait for manaligod brothers….. 🙂

2:12:45 PM enjinx: you have the whole world, literally the whole world, within your hands

2:19:20 PM khail_87: maraming slamat kuya 🙂

2:19:24 PM khail_87: such inspiring words

2:20:21 PM enjinx: pwedeng negosyo ba? hahaha

2:20:33 PM khail_87: haha pwede noh!

2:20:38 PM khail_87: gawa ka na ng libro

2:20:41 PM khail_87: or seminars

2:20:44 PM khail_87: or website

2:20:46 PM khail_87: hahaha

2:20:53 PM enjinx: website pa.

Powerful With The Way We Respond

People say we always have a choice. Whatever it is that we are facing, it’s always our choice to handle it. We can choose to handle it optimistically, seeing the glass half full. We can also handle it pessimistically, seeing the glass half empty. But I guess, even if we always have the choice, we won’t be able to choose what situation we are in.

It’s like I decide to handle this problem maturely but it was not my decision to be in such situation. It’s so easy to blame the people and situations that put us to such things and to some degree it’s understandable. We don’t have a choice regarding the situations we would be facing; the choice comes from the situation and not the situation from the choice. But I believe that life in general is that way. The mere fact that anytime after I write this entry, something good or bad can happen to me or to anyone I do and do not know reminds us that we are not completely in control of our lives. We faced and will be facing situations that are consequences of the things we did and did not do. No matter how we would love to blame other people and/or other events that lead us to circumstances that we don’t like, it’s not really much of our say.

Our say comes after the situation happened. Fine, something bad happened, an accident for example that is least likely to happen but it still did. Chances are, it was not our choice to be in that situation. I would have never wished for the bad things that happened to me. I would have never decided to undergo such bad experiences but now as I write, I’m still so powerless with the line of events that I’ll be facing. I have no idea what will happen tomorrow or next week, next month or next year. But the wonderful part is that we could always DECIDE the way to react, the way to handle, and the way to push through. Even if we are powerless to the circumstances surrounding our life all pegged in a vast time line, we are powerful with the way we respond.

I was able to think about this when I was walking along the road on my way home. I was recalling some bad experiences that happened to me. I know I handle things pretty well but I thought to myself that even though it was my choice to be mature and to be optimistic with my situation, it was not my choice to be in that situation.

But then again, power is given to what is important. And as long as we remain powerful with the way we respond to the challenges we will be facing, I would like to believe that we’ll be able to make the best out of life.

When The Truth Gets Clouded By Lies

I believe that if there’s a single source of truth in every story we’re involved in, it is ourselves. No matter what other people say, you’re the only person who would know what really happened and what is currently happening to yourself.

There are times when we don’t say the most accurate things when we are asked about how we feel or what we think about something. It can always be filtered according to our intentions. Not really to deceive or to hurt people but more so to protect ourselves from consequences we perceive possible if we tell the complete truth. (But of course, there are people who are very significant to us, deserving the same truth as the one we know regardless of any situation.)

If we know the truth deep within ourselves but we keep on lying and coming up with different versions of stories for different groups of people, I believe that there is a possibility that the truth will be clouded with all your lies, leaving you all confused on what is true anymore.

Even if we are the single source of truth for ourselves, surrounding yourself with different groups of people with different versions of the truth is like surrounding yourself with landmines in a wide field. You’re setting a trap for yourself, a trap so bad that you won’t be able to move ahead anymore. You’ll be more focused in making sure that you don’t step on any landmine rather than concentrating on the right direction to go and moving ahead.

And the most ironic part, the single source of truth, which is you, won’t be a source of truth anymore.

*This may all be hypothetical. I just though about it* 🙂

What Is Your Battery?

What keeps you going? What inspires you to wake up everyday? What makes you do the things that you do? What brings you to that state of satisfaction that you’re living your life? What is your battery that gives you energy to get going?

Hmmmmm… I often ask these questions to myself every time I wake up each morning. I always believe that there’s a reason why I’m still breathing and why did my eyes open after a long sleep. I always tell myself that it’ll be a nice day even though I know that it may not be. So now I wonder what keeps me going, why do I even go through life’s hassles? There must be something. Something great.

Maybe it’s the need to be successful. Yeah, I’ve always had the mindset of an achiever and I just can’t get enough. I need to do MORE and I need to achieve MORE. There’s really no line of satisfaction. It’s like after reaching the stars, you want to reach something higher, then higher, then higher.

Maybe it’s the feeling that someone needs me. It’s a great feeling and having this as my battery reminds me that my life is greater than myself. You live not just for yourself but for others as well. It’s always nice to hear these words and more so, it’s always nice to actually feel the depth of its meaning.

Maybe it’s because I need someone. Does it make sense? I think so. I live my day because I need someone… because I need to talk to that someone, because I need to walk with that someone, because I need to be with that someone.

Maybe it’s the need for adventure. Yeah I’m the adventurous type of person and I always like experiencing new things. There are so many great things within my grasp, all for the taking. As I have learned, life is an all-you-can-eat buffet. There’s enough adventure, happiness, satisfaction, and inspiration for everyone and you can get as many as you want.

Maybe it’s because I simply need to get going, to move forward, and to keep walking. No matter how much we feel that we don’t need to, I believe that there will always be a time when we’ll feel too tired and too bored to stay put, to stay deep below, to live a life we don’t desire. We’ll always have that ‘push’ that will get us back on the road. It may not come at an instant, but I believe that whatever happens it’ll always come.

We have different batteries that give us the energy to live our lives. It’s because we all have different personalities, different experiences, and different ways of coping up. But we should always acknowledge our batteries because they are very important in knowing why a day is worth living the best way possible.

What is your battery?