Ten Years

There are many things in life which I’m grateful for and starting this blog ten years ago just became one.

I never really thought much about this blog after my last entry in 2014. As you know, life happens and it sure did for me. Not only did I survive a long distance relationship, I’ve married the love of my life and we are now proud parents of two beautiful girls. I’ve been able to put down roots here in this beautiful country which, many years ago, scared me.

So as you can see, life did happen and it’s a beautiful thing. What’s nicer is that I’m able to backtrack a part of my journey through this blog and maybe even learn and get inspiration from it as I move forward in life.

I really felt that I had my whole life in front of me ten years ago but I don’t feel much different now.  Maybe I’ll feel the same ten years from now? There’s only one way to find out!

I Miss You

I miss you

 

I see you in every person passing by

The couples holding hands

A mother carrying her child

Kids playing around

 

I miss you

 

You’re the warmth of the sun

The cool breeze of the wind

Birds flying around

All the clouds and the tress

 

I miss you

 

I see you when I close my eyes

Or when my hands are held together

I feel you in all the songs I hear

I know you’re there, I know you are

 

I miss you

 

With every single breath I take

With all the might I can muster

With all the strength I can give

With my entire being, with my everything

 

I miss you

 

All I wish for is to be with you

Just to be able to touch your face

To kiss you and hug you tight

To hold you and never let go

 

I miss you, my wife

And I know this feeling will forever be

Because wherever direction I go

It’s always you I’m heading for

 

Status Report

I’ve been wanting to write again but I was never able to. But now that my mindset when’s the best time to start something  has been reinforced, I have dedicated time today to sit down and write. So it’s been almost 2 years since I got here in Canada. I arrived Dec 31 2010. I got my first job in February 2011, resigned and got a second job in April 2011, then got my third job in February 2012 while taking part time hours from my second job. I joined a Dragonboat team and an Ultimate team summer of 2011. Now I’m just working 2 jobs trying to save for my future. I think I have enough experience to say that it was quite a good move to go here. I can say that I would have never made this realization if I didn’t give it a shot. I was quite hesitant to go here before. It’s not really surprising why. Just the mere thought of leaving my loved ones is enough reason to think twice, and I actually did. I was just able to muster enough courage to risk it. And also add the fact that my friends and family supported me all the way.

It was pretty hard when I was just starting here. It was very challenging to look for a job and more challenging to drive away the loneliness because you feel so far away from the people you love. I’m not completely happy now but I can say that things have improved a lot. I have a more stable job (2 jobs actually), and I have met good people who have become very good friends. I still miss everyone back home but the loneliness have, if I could say, decreased in intensity. It’s most likely because I’m getting used to staying here and in not one instant have I felt that my loved ones have abandoned me even though they’re literally a thousand miles away. 

I now have a bigger picture of the opportunity I have been presented and I’m very happy I was able to have this perspective. With this new mindset, I know I’ll be able to make better decisions for the future.

Live High

Inspired by Jason Mraz’s Live High 🙂

Trying to look at that girl
Through my window glass
She looks very pretty
And I know she can feel my eyes

On her, Oh she won’t be able
Not to notice, how much I already am
In love, Yes in love I tell you
Because that girl is someone, I hold close to my heart

She’s the only person, who can feel my heartbeat
Even if I’m a thousand miles away
It doesn’t matter, wherever I may be
Because the connection between is this strong you see

I can’t even explain it
How can I even try to start to
I guess that’s how much in love I am
Oh yes that’s how much in love I am

She makes me
live high
live mighty
live righteously

The Last Day

So it has finally come. After 2 years and 3 months, I finally seal the official deal ending my wonderful experience in my first job after getting a Bachelor’s degree. I’m now 23 years old, strong and capable. Skilled and sharp. Cunning and hungry. I entered when I was 21. Curious and excited, unaware what does the world outside the walls of college can offer. Little did I know that it can make the best out of you the same way as it can bring out the worst. Staying here at my desk for the last time made me think a lot. It kind of makes me remember the good times I spent here in the office. There were good times, and there were awesome times. I got drunk, wild, and crazy. I became organized, skilled, and persuasive (which is quite a handy skill wherever I go 🙂 ). I acquired lessons that are not really needed to have a successful career but are essential in having a good life. I was able to meet good people and make awesome friends. I’m very thankful that in the process of acquiring these things, I was able to find myself, my deeper self. Now I can say I know more about myself than I did 2 years ago. I can sure say that staying here for quite some time really honed my skills, but I believe those are just secondary. More than anything else, the most important learning I bring with me as I press the G button in the elevator later at 6pm is knowledge I have about myself. Priceless. Just priceless.

Now I move on to a different challenge in life. I have to use all the things I acquired from my first job to elevate to a whole new level. I’m not doing this out of competition, I’m simply doing this because it’s inevitable. We can only go up and up. It’s where we belong. We are all achievers by our own right and the universe is parallel with us when it comes to this.

Right universe?

Thank you, universe 🙂

The Reason Behind The Move

It’s inevitable. It’s bound to happen and it’s just a matter of time. More often than not I reminisce why am I doing this. What is the reason behind this big and literally far move of mine. I always tell myself and other people as well that I’m doing this because of the great opportunity it entails. It is true that not everyone is given such opportunity. But is it really just about that? Is it really just about the opportunity that may or may not be maximized?

At the most basic level, I’m doing this because it’s worth a try. Whatever it is that may happen here or there, I can genuinely tell and convince myself that what I’ll be doing is at the very least worth a shot. I’m young enough, I still have time, and more so, I’m open for anything that can happen. So I guess the question here now is that am I willing to ‘try’ a short-term investment for a long-term benefit. Again, the key word is ‘try’. I’m not sure what will and can happen once I get there but I do know that I’m the type of guy who simply knocks out all the challenges that face me.

Another reason behind the big move is all about my future. I’m very fortunate enough to be indulged in an environment full of forward-looking people. I guess I was always surrounded with a mature crowd that it reminds me that I need to be mature in all aspects in life. Also add to that the wonderful blessing of a very loving girlfriend who I can seriously see as my wife. No joke. I’m so in love like that. All these factors that take part of my environment make me see the future that is not so far away, a future full of potential, a future so colorful I can see it brightly right now. Even though I said that I’m not sure what will happen because of the big move, I do know that it can give me opportunities to keep the future bright and even brighter. I guess it’s all about sacrifice for now, sacrifice of convenience and comfort. It’s a decision involving high risks, but then again, high risks yield high returns.

I am taking small steps at a time. There are times when I feel very sad and lonely but whenever I do, I always look back to the reason why I’m doing this. It’s not just about grabbing the opportunity in front of me, it’s not just about being able to improve myself. It’s all about being able to live the life I plan to have in the very near future.

But behind all these reasons and assumptions for the result of this move, I remain a very simple guy and a firm believer that happiness can be found in simple things, right where you are right now, with the people you are with right now.

Summer Vacation

I have so much time in my hands. In 2 plus months, I’ll be experiencing something like a summer vacation and I plan to make the most out of it as the events that will happen after this entails a lot of limitations in terms of time and space and how I’ll be able to use these two elements. So now I’m planning the things that I want to accomplish in this 2 months and it’s quite exciting. I plan to write an entry at least once a day so that my mind won’t become dull from all the distractions that our current generation can offer. I also plan to make each day count as they are all very significant and limited. I know that life needs to move on and that I need to face the challenges that await me. I need to step out of my comfort zone, and it’s not just a little step, it’s such a big step. But I’m not too worried. As a matter of fact, I’m a bit excited because of the adventures that are only waiting for me to conquer, only waiting for me to make the most out of them.

I have a very strong feeling that this would be a great challenge not just for me but for the significant people in my life but at the same time, I also have a very strong feeling that since this is the case, it means I’m not alone with this, I have people to hold on to, people who will help me be my best, who will help me conquer these adventures, who will help me see the reason why the heck am I doing this, or better yet, why the heck is the universe making me do this. A lot of people say that it’s all about the right perspective. I agree. But I guess more than having the right perspective, I should also have the right inspirations and reasons for my actions and thoughts. I do believe that whatever it is that we do and whatever it is that we think, as long as we have the right reason and inspiration, it’s almost always that such action or such thought would trigger something amazing, something that would always give us strength to go on and on even if it’s so hard, even if it’s so difficult, even if it seems like we’re all alone.

So here’s to me making the most out of my ‘Summer Vacation’. I’m very excited because I know that at the end of this, something amazing awaits 🙂

God

I believe that I don’t necessarily need to be Roman Catholic and go to mass everyday Sunday.I don’t necessarily need to kneel and pray. I don’t necessarily need to preach, to listen, to immerse myself to something that is, according to other people, the right way of living. I don’t necessarily need to have a religion, a way of life, a goal, an ultimate goal, a reason to keep me going, an inspiration, true and genuine inspiration. I don’t necessarily need to believe what the bible says and in the same light, any other writing that is claimed to be an account of god. I don’t necessarily need to believe in apparitions, in miracles, exorcism, and in holy places. I don’t necessarily need to believe that there is an end to this world and that if I live rightly, I will be saved. I don’t necessarily need to believe in anything.

When I look outside my window and see the glowing bright stars synchronized with the calming sounds of the crickets, realizing that I’m under one big sky which is under one big galaxy, which is under anything that man haven’t discovered yet and other people from different places, different time zones, different perspectives are looking at the exact same sky with me, I feel that I’m just a spec in the universe. A tiny little spec whose weight and mass is literally insignificant to the galaxy. A tiny little spec whose life may not matter to millions of people on the other side of the world.

But even if I’m just a tiny little spec,why do I still feel significant, valuable, unique, and important?

What is the source of all this meaning? Who is the source?

When I see two rainbows mingling with each other or a wonderful sky where the clouds seem to spell my name or are shaped like a dog, a cat, a peacock, a kangaroo, a unicorn, a whale, I realize that no person existing and ever existed could ever do such thing.

But it has been done nonetheless.

Who did that?

When I close my eyes and amidst the darkness I can still see, and more often that not, clearer than with my eyes open, who gives me such sight?

What is that force we feel when we hug a person?

What is that energy that moves a person because of a touching song?

What makes writers write and singers sing? What makes the body move to a certain beat?

What makes me write the next word?

God

It must be God

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

I would like to share an article shared by my dad last night. I was talking with my family about a major decision I made and I keep on looking back if it’s the right decision, if it’s the best decision. I realized that however I try to convince myself that it is the best one, I am never completely satisfied. I guess when you become a young adult, when you reach the ‘quarter-life’, there will be no decision without consequences, and there will be no decision that would make you 100% satisfied. So much are involved. You can decide for yourself, but can you decide for other people’s feelings and reactions? Can you really decide on something that would guarantee you complete happiness? Whenever we are placed in a crossroad and we need to decide whether to go right or left or even stay, there would always be what-ifs and doubts that make you look back. Should I have just gone right? Should I have just gone left? Should I have just stayed and waited?

Reading this article helped me stop the mind-war I’ve been having for quite some time.

Closing Cycles by Paulo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters – whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished. Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents’ house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won’t take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that. But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill. None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back. Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts – and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else. Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the “ideal moment.” Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person – nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important. Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

When Every Red Rose Becomes More Red – The Song

Almost 2 months ago, I wrote a poem for my girlfriend. You can view it here in my blog: https://khail360.wordpress.com/2010/05/24/when-every-red-rose-becomes-more-red/

For our first anniversary, my girlfriend gave me a very special gift. She took the words from my poem and turned it into lyrics for a song with the same title. I cried. It was the first time someone did that to me and being ultimately touched is an understatement.

You can listen to it here: http://www.zshare.net/audio/782560919e0f9d76/

So this is how it feels when your poem is turned into a song. It’s a great feeling, especially if the person singing is the inspiration for the poem you wrote.

You made me free, you made fly

You made me touch the stars and the sky

Everything I do I wanna do it for you

Can you be so in love like this?