The Right Lock With The Right Key

Look into the mirror and look at yourself. Look at your eyes. What message do they convey? are they blazing with passion? are they contented with happiness? or do they bear sadness for something lacking in your life?

I looked in the mirror and I saw that something is lacking. I’m looking for an answer to a question I’ve been asking myself for almost a year now and up to this day, it still remains unanswered. I’m still finding deep within myself what is it that I should do and it was then that I realized that we are the strongest when we know what path to take and are the most vulnerable when we are confused and lost.

I’m looking for answers, the right mind set to have, the right actions to start doing. I got nothing. This decision I need to make is so significant that I think I really won’t have an answer, because it’s a risk in every perspective I look at it.

I ask myself, do I really got nothing to lose? Is it really the answer to all my insecurities and the ultimate kick I need to level myself to the league I want to be in? I was trying to find an answer and I thought I will, I thought that after a lot of precious time thinking about it, the cosmos will enlighten me with the answer I’m looking for. I guess the cosmos does not work that way.

I’m trying to avoid talking to people because I want to decide for myself. After all, the first and last person who will be affected with what I plan to do is myself. There are people in between and they are included in this major move I’m planning to do but when the world stops spinning and when people start to fly, you’ll tell yourself that it was really for you.

So what do I need to do now? I don’t know. I’ve been talking to the modern sages of our time, trying to make their perspective align in one common plane. I realized a while ago that there is no common plane and it can never be totally aligned.  It may look like they are saying the same thing but when you dig deeper, all their points are inspired by different sources. One is out of growth, one is out of social standing, one is out of competitiveness. It can never be purely aligned.

So where am I left now? I’m not alone. I don’t need to do this alone. But I need to decide alone. It’s not because you don’t have friends to support you nor because you don’t agree with their points. It’s simply because your capability to undersatnd yourself is way better than any sage, expert, or doctor out there. We always hear that we hold the key but have you ever asked yourself where the lock is? Some of us think that the lock is in a successful career or in a multi million business. Some of us think that the lock is in a happy married life or in a big family. Is the lock where our key for really in those things? Can you really open the lock to a successful career or a happy family with your key?

I believe that the lock is inside us, no where else. And once we open that lock with our own key, we are then given the other keys for all the other locks we want to open. We were oriented that we can open the lock in whatever aspect in life we want and that is true. But before opening anything else, open the lock in your heart. You always had the key and it’ll never be taken away from you.

Have I opened the lock in my heart? The answer to this question is the reason why I’m having a hard time deciding what I need to do.

Truthbending

picture from here

picture from here

I’ve been a fan of ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ since the first episode I was able to watch. As a matter of fact, we are all fans in the house. We all stop whatever it is that we are doing if we’re able to catch an episode in Nickelodeon. My dad even bought the DVD so we can watch one complete season straight. If you’re not familiar with the show, try to google it. There’s a movie coming up based on that cartoon and it’ll be directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Good stuff man.

If you’re able to watch the show, you’ll be opened to the concept of ‘bending’ elements. So you’ll find airbenders, firebenders, waterbenders, and earthbenders. These people can bend or manipulate air, fire, water, and earth respectively. It may sound plain when you read it but it’s awesome when you watch it and when you do watch it, in some sort of way, that little kid inside you will wish that you can do the same.

[  Man the thing I’ll do to be able to do those things. I always find myself thinking like a 5 year old, wishing that I can fly or create awesome stuff by just thinking about it. I’m reminded that before, I wished I had spiky hair and can do a kamehamea wave hehe ]

As humans, we may not be able to manipulate air, fire, water, and earth on our own the way the characters in the show do. But I realized that there one element in life that we can bend, the truth. It’s something that is not physical – we won’t feel a breeze when it passes through, we won’t get wet when we get in touch with it, we won’t feel heat when it’s there nor will the ground shake when we think about it – but it’s something, in my belief, more powerful than any damage these elements can give. Why? Because it strikes us where we are most vulnerable, it strikes our heart and mind.

Anyone can do ‘truthbending’. We can all play with the truth and it can be effortless once we get used to it. We can all pretend to be someone we’re not and be believable. We can all cheat on a loved one and get away with it. We can all manipulate the truth for our advantage and in the same process, hurt people in the most painful ways possible. We can truthbend our way to success, stepping on people along the way, we can truthbend our way to get what we want – success in money, career, and love. Oh sorry, I mean fake love.

I must admit that I am a truthbender. When I look back, I can pinpoint moments when I was the best truthbender I can ever be. I was good, I was so good, I was so believable. I had my share of benefits because of truthbending but you later realize that these gains are not genuine.

I would like to believe that we are all truthbenders in our own capacity. In some ways, we do a little truthbending here and there. Sometimes we get what we want because of it, but most of the times if not all, we hurt someone in the process. That person can be your mother who always brags about you because you were excelling in school only to find out that you cheated during finals. That person can be your boyfriend or girlfriend, feeling so secure about your love while you’re flirting with someone else behind his/her back.  That person can be your friend who thought that he can run to you during the worst of times but you were never there. That person can be yourself who thought that you had a proud mom, a loving partner, and a faithful friend. You don’t anymore.

Autumn

I just watched (500) Days of Summer last night and I want to write how it made me feel because the feeling is so special. It’s not a purely happy feeling, it’s also not a purely sad one. It’s like a feeling painted out of different colors all combined to form a great masterpiece.

If you haven’t watched the movie yet, I need to warn you that some of my thoughts may spoil the movie, obviously hehe

Here we go

I believe that we all have our own ’500 Days of Summer’. It may not be 500 days, her/his name may not be Summer, and the effect of such days may be more or less hurtful as compared to the movie. I believe that there would always be situations wherein we would think that it’s too good to be true, such situations that give us so much happiness and possibly equally or worse pain. This is because one way or another, our expectations will mismatch reality. At least once in our lifetime, I believe this will happen. I have experienced this more than once in different aspects of life and I know a lot of people who share the same experience. Sometimes I feel that my happiness is coming from something that is so good, so good that I become scared. And true enough, there is reason to be scared. Then that day happens when everything crashes, sometimes for reasons that we don’t even expect.

Then I break down, feel pain and agony and do crazy things. I become bitter that things have to be this way. I was happy, why not continue to be happy? I didn’t understand, I didn’t see the reason why. I try to distract myself, doing things that I don’t normally do. I try to cover the pain, to fill in the hole with something larger than it, so large that it won’t fit, so large that I would be overwhelmed. I question destiny, I question love, I even question God. And at the end of each day, I sleep with tears in my heart and eyes thinking that I will never be better, or even normal again.

Then you start to pick yourself up. You see the value of other people around you. You see the value of things that were there all along. You realize that you always had the power to be better, you were just too busy thinking that you can’t. You start to attract more positive ideas, more positive things, more positive people. The tears stop and smiles replace the frowns. You start to go back and realize the reason why. Your questions start getting answered and the answers make perfect sense. You realize that you don’t need to fill in the hole because there was no hole in the first place. You were whole all along. Your expectations then start to match reality and one day as you look at the sun in a weather so cozy you realize that all this time… you were not just looking hard enough. And the cosmos bridges you to that ultimate day where Summer ends and Autumn begins. And you know in your mind and in your heart that you deserve it and that’s the best thing.

It’s not just about relationships, it happens in all aspects in life. In our career, in our family, in our pursuit of our goals. There would always be times when our expectations will mismatch reality and it would hurt, sometimes just a little, sometimes so much. But we can always cope up in our own ways, in our own time.